Things don't change. People do.

Ever girl is going to meet a guy in their life that changes them. It doesn’t have to be physically, but it can be mentally and emotionally too. Maybe it’s when they’re a kid, or when they’re a teenager, or when they’re an adult, or even when they’re old. The age isn’t going to matter because once they meet this guy, nobody will ever compare and everything will never be the same.

A year ago, there was a girl, so innocent, carefree, and happy. She was happy, but she felt like something was still missing in her life. She didn’t figure out what it was and at one point she thought she did. Boys were nothing; she didn’t care about them. She had such a wild imagination. It kept her up at night, imagining things that would never happen and having different things to imagine about at night. She lived by the rules of her imagination. She went to school happy, came home happy, went to bed happy, ate like there was no tomorrow. She was indeed, one amazing little girl, so carefree and filled with life. Then she met a guy who changed certain thoughts in her mind but didn’t change her. Then she met another guy, who changed her entire world.
The girl watched thousands of movies about love and how couples acted towards each other. She wanted that, but she wasn’t in a hurry to get it. She knew how to be patient. Then she met a guy, let’s call him Noel. Noel was crushing over her best friend, and she thought it was quite amusing, but she also thought by imposing her best friend to go out with him, she was doing them both good. But she forgot about how her best friend was feeling about guys and why it was so hard for her to move on. It wasn’t until a few rejections, that she finally got the message. Then out of nowhere, the guy decided to flirt with her. It had been so long since she had been wanted by anyone, that she forgot why she was being so patient and went for it. They were together for two weeks. It was enough for her to get extremely attached, therefore causing some sort of heart ache over him. She was so used to having him around that when they broke up, it tore her a little. She cried that night and the morning after. Her attachment to him was so strong that it was impossible for her to not talk to him, even though things weren’t the same. She believed every word he said, when they were together, and she believed he cared. When she found out that he was flirting with a few other girls, when they were going out, she was furious. But she was hurt even more to realise that it didn’t take long for him to move on. She realised that it was over before it even begun. Although they were together for a short amount of time, it was then she realised how words and actions were different, how guys won’t always be telling the truth, how some guys will have ‘back up’, and how extremely painful it is to get attached to someone in such a short amount of time.
That guy was nothing compared to the guy she was with after though. Let’s call him Charlie. Charlie had been her on and off crush for years. She had never believed that she would ever be noticed by him. Everyone thought he was a dickhead, but she thought he was a cute dickhead with a different side to him. After her break up with Noel, she started talking to Charlie and they got really close. For her, it was Charlie who had caught her while she was falling and it made him special to her. They were flirting with each other for a while and this was how it all started.
Charlie had shown her what love was about. He showed her what it was like to be cared about and to have someone ask you if you’re okay every now and again. He was the prince she never asked for, nor wanted, but she got him anyway. Within a month, she was head over heels for him. She had felt so many feelings for him that she couldn’t describe it in words. Not only did he bring her happiness, but he made her feel complete. She thought he was the missing piece to her. She had never been in a relationship, where she actually had strong emotions for the other person. She was the type of person who went out with guys whom she didn’t have feelings for, so she didn’t have to deal with the heart break. But everyone has to go through it somehow, and this was her time.
Everyone saw them as a perfect couple, because of how they always showed they adored one another. But beyond that; nobody, except a few close friends, knew just how much they fought. She had taken him for granted, expected such high standards from him, causing her to always start a fight about some silly thing. She never meant to, she hated fighting with him. But she didn’t know how to deal with the pain that he often brought her. She always had the fear of losing him, but she kept starting fights with him anyway, thinking that if he loved her, he would stick around through the bullshit. For a while he did. Every time they fought, she would always apologise to him because she felt it was better off she lose an argument to him than lose him for good. On the 4^th of January 2012, they had been fighting again, and she thought it was just another one of those stupid fights. But he had enough and he didn’t know whether he should end it or not. He took all day to choose, and she felt like she was going to lose him so she let him go first, before he got to say the words.
It was the day her whole world came crumbling down. She had never felt so lost and so torn apart, it was overwhelming. She felt lost without him, like she was always missing something. It was her first love, or so she believed, and she didn’t know how to deal with all the pain. She quickly learned that keeping yourself busy and keeping your thoughts on different things, helps you block out the pain a little. But the pain never failed to always creep in and decide to invade for a while. It was a new concept to her, but she pretended she knew what she was doing and kept going on with her life. There was never a day that went by where she didn’t think about him, or what could’ve been. There were nights she’d lie in bed and break down; to cry the pain away. Some nights, she would feel alone and completely out of it, it didn’t occur to her how much it was affecting her. She stopped eating so much and lost a lot of weight. She slept less and cared less about what she looked like. Every day that went by, she prayed that he could bring back the part of her that he had taken with him when he left. It was the part that made her feel incomplete, but it was also the part that she loved him the most with; her heart.
Before she knew it, it was time to go back to school. The thought of having to see him terrified her. After a week of settling down and going back to normal, it suddenly went back to sleepless nights and eating less. The thought of facing him scared off her appetite again. When she finally faced him, she knew she wasn’t over him. Every time she saw him, her heart would race and she would have flashbacks of the times they spent together. She would remember the necklace, the movie, the kisses, the cuddles, and the way he said ‘I love you’. She had to constantly remind herself that he didn’t belong to her anymore, that he could do as he pleased.
Before she knew it, they were together again. At first it was exactly what she wanted, but she began to have doubts and it frustrated her.  From then on, doubts would circle her head whenever she was never with him. Every time they were broke up, it tore her apart even more. She started losing hope in everything. But every time they got back together, she tried her hardest at keeping it going and reminding herself constantly that it was another chance, another chance she couldn’t ruin because there might not be another.
We got back together four times and three weeks ago we broke up for the final time. Nobody really understood why we always got back together; if we kept breaking up for the same reasons. I never really understood why he kept coming back. I stuffed up a lot. Sometimes I think my biggest mistake was letting him go. Sometimes I think it was saying yes to him in the first place. Either way, he’s gone now. I’m trying to be okay with that. I’m trying my absolute hardest and every time I think I’m doing better, someone finds a way to shut me down. I can’t go to anyone, except Tristan, for help. Two of my closest girl friends, are completely useless. One’s acting like a know-it-all and keeps saying it’s a stage and I’ll get over it, when she knows what it was like and that it’s harder than it sounds but she just doesn’t care or acts like she doesn’t. Either way, she thinks I’m lying to her and that’s fucking ironic considering I’ve done nothing but tell the truth. I haven’t lied to her about any of this or the break up, but she’d rather believe my ex’s words than mine. Real friend huh? The other one, well she’s just about on the same level too. Except she’s more out of it, she hasn’t been at school and she hasn’t been through it so she doesn’t really know how to help. And she too, has decided to believe his words and not mine and think I’m just a sook.
I’m really starting to wonder who the fuck this guy is. It’s like he’s turning my closest friends against me and I can’t even go to them without them not getting involved. It’s like things just can’t be between us, it has to be with every-fucking-one of my closest friends AND his. Just because I vent doesn’t give them permission to fucking get involved, but no they do anyway. So yeah, just fuck it all. They can think what they want; he can say what he wants. I’m over everything. If the only way all this bullshit stops is for me to completely stop talking to him, then yeah I’ll do that. If the only way my friends stop getting involved in my shit; is for me to stop telling them personal stuff, then yeah I’ll do that. And when they ask why they no longer know anything about what’s going on in my life, they can have a look at this fucking blog and get the hell over it. Yeah I sound like a bitch. Pain changes people. Real friends accept you for who you are, even for the mistakes you did. If they can’t do that, then they’re not you’re real friends. They’re just people curious about your life. They don’t really care. They just want gossip and something to bitch about and judge you for.
The girl ended up trusting nobody. She didn’t believe her friends were no longer friends, and the boy she once loved was no longer that boy. It was like they turned into people she no longer new and she didn’t know who to go to anymore. She had never felt so lost and so broken. She only had one friend she could really count on anymore. But she didn’t even trust him.
It's sad how, a few months ago, things were so perfect. I seemed like I had everything but I still wasn't satisfied. Now I have nothing and all I can do is hope for a better future, that some day things will change and I'll stop feeling like this. I'm not afraid to admit that I miss everything we use to have, things might have changed between us but the memories will always be there. It's the memories that always seem to bring me down. Remembering everything we use to have, is now gone. And we're back to being strangers again. After everything I don't even know if surviving all this, is going to be worth it.