I'm okayyy. c:

The worst part about falling out of love, is wondering if you'll ever open up that far again.

I haven't exactly 'fallen' out of love yet. I know I still love him because I miss him and it hurts like hell to think about him being with another girl. He made me extremely happy, even knowing that he was mine just made me feel good. Now that he's not, being happy seems so far from my reach. I don't feel it as often as I use to, and when I do feel it, it's only for a few minutes at the most. I know how to block out the pain but sometimes in order to stop feeling it, I need to release a bit of it until I completely stop feeling it. But you know what they say about pain, it never stops, you just get use to it.

I'm not afraid to fall in love again, nor am I afraid to get hurt again. I'm afraid to get attached too much and then be thrown away like nothing again. I'm afraid that I won't really love someone that much again.  I'm afraid I won't be able to love like that again. What hurts the most about a broken heart, is not knowing how you felt before that.

When someone asks me if I'm okay, I say "Yeah, I'm okay". Because the truth is, I am. I know how to hold back the tears. I know how to not overthink so much. There are moments I feel like absolute shit, but I know how to hold myself back from doing something I know I'll regret. There are moments I feel like breaking down because I miss him or because something reminded me of a memory we shared. But I'm okay.

I've changed. I'm not the girl I was eight months ago. Maybe people don't see it. But I know I have. Eight months ago, I was happy. I depended on myself and I was able to stand on my own two feet. Eight months ago, I didn't think so much and when I did think, it never hurt. I guess we all change at on point. Pain does that to people, I guess.