It's hard you know. Going from talking to someone 24/7 to hardly getting a 'hey'. I miss you. I miss talking to you. I push all my feelings away because I know if I let myself feel it, it'll destroy me.
I don't know what it's going to be like tomorrow. I don't know if you're going to school or not. But it's going to be extremely hard not trying to look for you, not expecting a hug and a kiss, not expecting for you to come say hi to me first. I know exactly how I'm going to feel when I see you. I'm going to see everything I gave up, the memories, and everything I wanted. But I'm also going to see the guy who went out with so many girls and the guy who's only going to go out with many more after me. I'm going to see the guy who can't handle being single because he always needs to be in a relationship. I'm going to see the guy who broke all his promises and lied to me for the majority of the time. I'm going to see exactly what I don't want to see.
I woke up yesterday, wishing it was all a dream. Wishing it never happened. But the full realization hit me and it hit me hard. I curled up in bed for hours and broke down at one point. I just wanted the pain to go away. I'm not prepared for this. But then again I wasn't prepared every other time, was I?
I know what I'm going to do. I'm going to scream and cry before I go to bed and get it all out of my system. When I go to school tomorrow, I'm going to smile. Smile like I was never in pain. I'm going to forget everything and try to enjoy my day. I'm going to live each day at a time, until you no longer affect me, until you no longer cause me any pain. I know it was my choice and I'm facing the consequences. I just need to get over it. Get over you. I'll find a way to say goodbye. I always do.
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