Don't you hate being called ungreatful things and even though everyone reassures you that you're not those things, it still bothers you? My ex and I got in a fight because he was supposedly sticking up for his 'best' friend. He didn't have any good comebacks so he decided it would be good to say ''hope your happy with being the selfish person you are have a f*cking good rest of your life". What he said actually hurt me, alot. I've never been called selfish and I didn't expect him of all people to call me that. I've asked people constantly if I was selfish and they say I'm not, but there's a part of me that thinks they're lying because maybe just maybe it is true.
Yeah I can be selfish. I'm selfish when it comes to food, drinks, and buying stuff. I don't like sharing my food or my drink. I like to buy stuff for myself when I should be buying other people stuff for Christmas or their birthday. I get my sister to buy me stuff, even though I know she could be using the money to pay her bills. I don't think I'm really selfish in any other way though? If I am, I think my friends would know and tell me. But do those small things really count that much?
My friends keep saying that he was just angry and he didn't have any good comebacks, but they don't understand that its bothered me since then. I haven't gotten it out of my head and I hate it. Now it's like I have to prove to myself that I'm not. But what am I really proving, that I let an angry ex-boyfriend of mine get to my head? Today, I have to let it go. I have to ignore it and stop thinking he'll suddenly inbox me and tell me I'm not. I don't need him to take it back, because I now I know I'm not. I know a selfish person when I see one. I don't mean to sound stuck up but I'm really not a selfish person. Anyone who thinks I am, don't know the person I am.
Now that I got that out of the way, there's another thing I wanted to blog about. Lately I seem to feel like everyone's psychiatrist. I've been helping people with their problems and I like it, it makes me feel better. I don't want to be a psychiatrist but right now, I feel like I have to bury myself in other people's problems and help them sort it out, and I feel like I'm helping myself in the process. Helping myself to do what exactly? I don't know.
I'm going to bury that necklace that he gave me. Why?
a) If I give it back, he's going to throw it in the bin anyway
b) I don't want to see it around anyone elses' neck
c) I feel like if I bury it, I'll bury the part of me that still cares and bury the part of me that he still has
d) I can finally be over him for good.
He was once the person that made me happy, he was then the person that put me in pain, he is now the person that's forgotten.
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