Dear Ex-Boyfriend,

I miss you. I miss your smiles, your hugs and your kisses. There's not a day that goes by that you don't pop into my head. I wish you knew how broken I really am because of you. Sometimes I would wish the break up was all a big joke and that we were still together.

You have no idea how much I want you back but as you kept saying before ''it wouldn't have worked out anyway''. You've pretty much proven to me that you've moved on, so I should too but,you know what, I can't. I know you won't come back but there's a part of me hoping that you will. The same part of me that you took with you when you walked out. The part of me that you still have.

I know I keep saying ''I wish you knew how I felt'' but it's a good thing you don't and even if you did, I don't think you would really care. I'd rather you, and everyone else around me, think I'm over you and that it doesn't hurt anymore than have them think I'm a stupiid, naive teenager. When people mention us and the break up I actually feel like punching them in the face because they have no right to mention it, and because... it hurts.

I keep wondeirng why you even bother talking to me anymore. You shouldn't be talking to me anymore but you do and you know what? I'm not gonna stop you because I like talking to you. Everytime I talk to you it's like the first time all over again, when I get butterflies in my tummy and my mind goes blank. I waited for you to inbox me today, you didn't and I felt a bit disappointed but I got over it. But then again, why would you? Everytime you come online on skype, my heart races and I feel like I should talk to you. Instead I wait for you to talk to me first, if you even talk to me.

There's so much more I want to tell you and so much questions I want to ask like... Do you ever think about me anymore? Would you ever give us a second chance? Do you regret going out with me? I want to tell you I miss you. I want to tell you that I still love you. When people ask me if I would ever go back out with you I say ''No, never''. I say it because I need to convince myself that it's just not worth it anymore, even though it actually is. I tell them because it's what I need to hear. I can't just unblock the pain that I worked sooo fucking hard on to block. I can't just forget how painful it was to lose you.

But you wanna know something though? I'd take you back in a heartbeat, even after everything that happened. I told myself that I'd take risks, I wouldn't usually take, this year. I'll take risks because I don't want to miss out on anything, espicially if I ever have another chance with you.

My last wish for the day? You. 

When I say ''I hate you'', what I really mean is ''I love you''.