Look for the girl with the broken smile.

For some people there are just times in your life that you have to put your friends' pains and needs before yours. But for me, I have to put EVERYONE's pains and needs before mine. I agree I have been through alot but I'm not one to go around asking for sympathy. I can't remember a time that I ever went to anyone, in pain, because my childhood haunts me; night and day. I remember the times all of my friends came to me, in tears, because something/someone had hurt them or they just needed someone to be there. Sometimes people, who I never met, come to me too but I don't mind. I honestly don't. It makes me feel important and it makes me feel good knowing I've helped someone somehow.

But it's times like these that I wish I could put my pain before everyone elses. Times when the pain just becomes too much and you want someone to be there but the one person you want to be there; ignores the problem and decides to be an idiot and puts you in more pain. What hurts the most is knowing you were there for him when he needed you and knowing you'd drop everything in a heartbeat just to comfort him because you hate seeing him in pain but when it comes to you, he becomes an idiot and doesn't care whether your in pain or not. A lesson I learned from that? Don't ever try to put your pain before anyone elses because they'll treat you like your pain doesn't matter.

I don't know how I expected to be treated after telling my closest friends about my childhood. I guess I just wanted someone I could run to when I'm in pain. But yeah, guess sometimes things just backfire. Sometimes I'll lay in bed and pretend my childhood was a nightmare and that I'm still dreaming, waiting to wake up and start living my life. Not much people in my life understand how painful it is to have flashes of it come back now and again, they don't understand the pain. So what do I do? I suffer my own pain and suffer everyone elses pain because honestly, could I possibly go through anymore than I already have? I'd rather be the person people run to for help, than be the person who runs to someone for help.

Life isn't easy. Things just happen and instead of asking questions, you just have to embrace it. Fight for the ones that love you, not for the ones who you love but don't love you back, because in the end it's the people who love you who'll stand by your side. Pain isn't easy to deal with, so be like me. Don't deal with it and when someone elses suffering, suffer your own pain and say you're suffering their pain. It's not the best advice, but it's better than having to explain to them why you're in pain.