So I just need to get this one thing off my chest. I don't care that it doesn't make sense but I need it out.
Dear Boyfriend,
Please just please stop mentioning her name. Who's name? Hannah. Shut the fuck up already. I hate her, like really hate her. Why? Because for a while she had you. For a while you were hers. And no that wasn't okay with me. I had no right to hate her though as we were broken up. But still, it hurt me like hell when I found out. So I'm sorry I hate her. But she had you for a while. And it makes me sick to my stomach to think you could ever hold anyone else, the way you hold me. It makes me sick to ever think that you could send her all those x's and love hearts to another girl. It makes me sick to think that I was just another girl on your trash list. It makes me sick to think that I could ever lose you again.
The more I fall for you again, the more I feel I should block the feeling out. Because, it may not seem like it now, I know I'm only going to end up being heart broken in the end. I hated that pain. I really did. And knowing I'm going to feel it again, makes me sick. You have no idea how much I love you and you have no idea how much it makes me sick to think that you could love another girl the way you love me. Everytime we fight I always become afraid of losing you. Everytime I hear that some girl likes you I break a little inside but smile and hide it and make a laugh out of it, hoping even I'd laugh at my own joke just to hide the pain.
You have no idea how much I really love you. You're my first love and nobody ever gets over their first love, they just learn to love other people. I know nothing lasts forever, but I just want to stop dreaming and start living in reality because, since you came back in my life, reality is finally better than my dreams.
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